Preserving the Dignity of Nonprofits

Continuing with the silly mood:

Proud Cystic-Fibrosis Foundation Doesn't Need Your Charity

Proud Cystic-Fibrosis Foundation Doesn't Need Your Charity

AITKIN, MN—A Dream To Breathe Foundation reasserted its status as a "non-profit organization" and expressed embarrassment at unnecessary "handouts."

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Cystic-fibrosis foundation A Dream To Breathe, which has refused to accept more than $250,000 in donations since 2001, announced Monday that it was continuing to make strides in fighting the rare respiratory disorder without any handouts from "self-righteous do-gooders."

"In the past three months alone, thousands of people from all across the country have come out and asked us to take their money, insisting that we need it more than they do," said Development Director Joan Vandercamp in an urgent plea to Americans to take their pity elsewhere. "To you and countless others, we can only say: Who do we look like? The Salvation Army?"

"When we need your help wiping this degenerative disorder that affects 30,000 Americans off the face of the earth, we'll let you know, okay?" she added.

According to Vandercamp, who described her foundation as an independent organization determined to make a difference in the lives of those with cystic fibrosis and not "some pathetic charity case," A Dream To Breathe is perfectly capable of finding a cure for the deadly genetic disease that strikes the lungs and pancreas without anyone else's aid.

"Not that it's any of your concern, but we've been raising plenty of awareness on our own, thank you very much, and we'd really like to keep it that way," said Vandercamp, who added that her foundation already had its hands full identifying the defective protein-producing gene earlier in victims of the disease without others trying to get involved. "We may not be the biggest or the most successful organization of our kind, but we have dignity, and I'll be damned if we let your patronizing donations change that."

Read the rest at The Onion...